Alcohol and Consent
Originally posted for May, Sexual Violence Prevention Month. Reposting for 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence and National Addictions Awareness Week
Image created by Draw The Line
One of the most commonly asked questions in our consent workshops with youth is about alcohol and consent.
We know that alcohol is the most common weapon used in sexual assault and that folks shame and blame survivors for drinking.
Let’s Get Legal!
IMPORTANT! We’re not lawyers at DWS. This is only our interpretation of consent as it’s covered in the Canadian criminal code:
“Consent means, for the purposes of this section, the voluntary agreement of the complainant to engage in the sexual activity in question.”
Voluntary agreement means that the person being asked wants whatever sexual activity is going to happen, that they are not being pressured or blackmailed.
“Consent must be present at the time the sexual activity in question takes place.”
This means consent is time sensitive. You’ve gotta ask at the time that you’re getting sexy.
“No consent is obtained if:
Poster created by SAVE - Sexual Assault Voices of Edmonton
the agreement is expressed by the words or conduct of a person other than the complainant”
You’ve gotta be the one to say ‘heck yes!’ Someone can’t consent to sexy times on your behalf.
“the complainant is unconscious;”
You’ve gotta be awake to consent.
“the accused counsels or incites the complainant to engage in the activity by abusing a position of trust, power or authority;”
Folks who have significant roles in peoples lives - doctor, lawyer, spiritual leader, teacher, coach, manager - can’t abuse the power they are given by encouraging folks with less power to have sex.
“the complainant expresses, by words or conduct, a lack of agreement to engage in the activity;”
We covered this one pretty well in the 90’s: No Means No. It’s also important to recognize all the different ways ‘no’ can look.
“the complainant, having consented to engage in sexual activity, expresses, by words or conduct, a lack of agreement to continue to engage in the activity.”
Consent is ongoing. If someone said yes, then says no at any time during sexual activity, there is no longer consent.
“It is not a defence to a charge under this section that the accused believed that the complainant consented to the activity that forms the subject-matter of the charge if
the accused’s belief arose from:
the accused’s self-induced intoxication,
the accused’s recklessness or wilful blindness, or”
If someone forces or coerces someone into any sort of sexual activity, it’s not an excuse if they were drunk or intentionally ignoring signs of someone saying ‘no’.
“the accused did not take reasonable steps, in the circumstances known to the accused at the time, to ascertain that the complainant was consenting; or”
You gotta make an effort (reasonable steps) to get consent.
“there is no evidence that the complainant’s voluntary agreement to the activity was affirmatively expressed by words or actively expressed by conduct.”
Consent has gotta be given in words, ‘heck yes!’, or actions, ‘leaning in for a kiss’.
Beyond Law
So…. That’s our take on the law. But the law is the bare minimum and who ever was super jazzed about the barest of minimums? “Whoooo hooooo! I’M GETTING PAID MINIMUM WAGE!!! IF IT WAS LEGAL TO PAY ME LESS THEY WOULD!!!”
Image created by YWCA Canada
(Also, we’re terribly aware that sexual assault is rarely reported to police and the law is rarely used. Folks tend to not make decisions based on law or morals, but by how their peer group might perceive them, which is why bystander intervention is such a fantastic and effective rape prevention strategy. )
We’re working to create a world based on consent and respect.
That doesn’t mean that every sexual activity has to be with someone you want to have a deep emotional connection with and a committed long-term relationship. Consensual hookups are totally possible. It means that you have to treat the person you want to do sexy things with with respect, even if you’re just going to have sex with them one time.
Alcohol and Culture
Try to think of one movie created for teens where characters get it on and there’s no alcohol involved. The options are very limited. We don’t have a lot of possibility models for healthy consent in our media.
Speaking of double standards…
There’s lots of reasons alcohol and sexuality are closely linked in our culture:
rigidity around sexuality - folks believing needing alcohol to feel looser or more confident
shoddy sex ed curriculums - folks need to learn what sex is, what sexual violence is, what coercion is, or that it’s illegal and wrong to get someone drunk so they’ll say ‘yes’
sexual double standards like ‘she’s a slut, he’s a stud’ - lots of youth we work with let us know that if they get shamed for being sexy, they can use alcohol as an excuse, ‘I didn’t mean to. I was so drunk.’
consent not yet a normal practice - until we have space to practice consent in safe ways and it’s seen in the media and by our friends, classmates, and peers, folks who practice awesome consent are going to be seen as outliers and weird. In fact, currently, our media normalizes sexual assault.
It’s heartbreaking that folks of all ages get shamed for having wants or desires or even being curious about sexuality.
We dream of a world where folks can ask for what they want without fear of being shamed or needing alcohol as courage or an excuse. Until then, we’re very aware that we’ve got to live in the world we’re in.
Punishment for Actions
Because of sexual double standards and rigid morality, there’s still a lot of folks who believe that women who have sexual desires should be punished.
We see this with rape myths about clothing - ‘She was asking for it’ - and rape myths about alcohol - ‘She should’ve known better than to drink so much.’
Lastly, SAVE bluntly tells the truth: “Just because she’s drunk, doesn’t mean she wants to f**K.”
Alcohol and Consent
You care about consent. You want to be respectful. Not all sexy time has to be 100% stone cold sober, but it’s important to question if we’re using alcohol and other substances safely and if we’re using it to avoid good clear communication.
Everyday Feminism has a S T E L L A R article - “5 Questions About Alcohol and Consent You’re Too Afraid to Ask, Answered” - that should be required reading for any human who wants to interact with other humans ever.
The article goes waaaaaay beyond the basics of the law and asks and answers:
Is Sex Always Nonconsensual When People Have Been Drinking?
How Much Do You Need to Drink to Be Unable to Consent?
What If Someone Said ‘No’ to Sex When Sober, But Then Said ‘Yes’ When Drinking?
What If They’re in a Relationship?
What If All People Involved Are Drinking?
Have questions about alcohol and consent?
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